I'm taking a class for college credit in which we learn very little and accomplish very little. The class is "Adult Roles," and it takes care of a financial literacy credit and a few general ed hours.
On my first day in the new semester, we started a unit on marriage, and I was assigned to read "Finding the Love of Your Life," a book written by the founder of eHarmony.com. My teacher says that most of the females in her class particularly enjoy this unit, and really eat up anything that has to do with love and weddings.
I must be the exception....because I don't like it.
I resent having to read this book. I am 16 years old! I don't want to find the love of my life right now! Eventually, yes, but NOW?! I don't even know if I have wisdom teeth yet! I can barely keep my room clean, and you want me to find the LOVE of my LIFE?! I lack the maturity to have the healthiest of friendships, let alone relationships. I am a child! The idea of growing up and being on my own scares the zits off my adolescent face....how am I supposed to deal with growing up and devoting my life to another person?!
Don't get me wrong. I am capable of loving another person. I have the ability to love someone and want the best for them and want nothing as badly as I want their happiness. I know what it means to say "I Love You," and I know how to navigate the tip of that iceberg. But it's just that - the very tip. I'm willing to venture that I know more than most teenagers know about love, but I lack the maturity and self assurance to apply in person what I know in theory. I still have WAY too much to learn. I still have to grow up. I am absolutely not ready to begin searching for the love of my life. You want me to read a book about this?! And learn from it?! No!!
Another reason that I so despise this assignment is that it is mostly pointless. I am not going to read a book, fill out a worksheet, and suddenly know that much more about love. I'm going to learn how to love by loving. Loving my friends, family, and those around me that I see every day. I'm going to learn, through experience and prayer, what the love of my life should look like. I'm going to learn and work to become the love of someone else's life. Isn't that the essential other half to that process of "finding the love of my life?" I need to focus on those things. I don't need to read about love from a man who created an online dating service, and rely on that knowledge to actually teach me things.
Another problem. In the same lesson, we spent a substantial ammount of time talking about engagement rings. We learned about different cuts and weights and sizes, insurance policies and prices. This is infuriating! WHAT do diamond rings have to do with marriage?!?! The first engagement rings were blades of grass, and what was the divorce rate THEN?! Now, we spend hundreds of dollars and many hours on selecting the perfect, beautiful ring for our loved one, and for what?! Is it bragging rights? Is it a sign of true love when you can't lift the deadweight ring on your left hand? NO! Diamonds have nothing to do with true love. Yes, they are a lovely tradition and they are pretty, and when I find that Love of My Life, I would most likely request a moderately nice engagement ring. But if it didn't work out, the relationship wouldn't fail! Heck...if he had to carve my ring out of balsa wood, it wouldn't change the fact that it was real love.
Maybe I'll be that lady who lives alone with 7 cats. You and the Love of Your Life can come visit me in my solitary bitterness.
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Most excellent rant. And you won't be surprised to learn that I agree 100%.
ReplyDeleteBut this was funny: "...a class for college credit in which we learn very little and accomplish very little. The class is "Adult Roles,"
Maybe you didn't mean it to be funny, but the proximity. Golden slip, that.
I haven't started the book yet. I'm too bitter.
ReplyDeleteAnd that was an accident...cool.
I'm surprised by Joe's comment. Isn't it better for girl16 to go into the dating and mating process with a little education? Or would you prefer her choices be made on emotion? I say the sooner you learn to sort out the good, the bad, and the ugly, the better off you are. And if you can benefit from the expertise of someone else, ie. the eHarmony guy, why not? That's not to say you should plan on getting married right away (I'm glad you're not!), but maybe what this guy has to say could help avoid dating mistakes now.
ReplyDeleteHer Hotness
There's a world of difference between "a little education" and thinking about marriage/the love of your life. "A little education" would be books about how boys and girls approach relationships differently in their teens; how to nurture relationships that last; how to socially date without the expectation that you're hunting for your soul mate.
ReplyDeleteYes, sort out the good from the bad and the ugly. But at 16, looking for the love of your life IS bad. And ugly, especially when they think they've found him/her. A 16-18 year-old-brain is not physiologically prepared to make that decision, to say nothing of the lack of experience. And personally, I don't believe a merciful God would reveal that kind of information to a child. What's a kid supposed to do with that knowledge over the next 5-7 years, other than pine and shut off other avenues of experience and potential? IMNSHO, if someone believes God has told her who she's going to marry at 16, she's listening to emotion and hormones, not the Spirit.
Wow, where did that come from? Anyway, I've looked through the book and like it. I just don't like the title or the premise.
Dani! I agree 100% too, and teenagers are so judgemental and can't stand the fact you CAN be just friends. This goes to my soon second dad: Thank you for sticking up for your daughter! She is 237% correct and has every reason to rant about this, it's ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteHow many marriage education courses did they have for Adam and Eve?! That's what I thought. None! Evidently they were successful, if not do you think any of us would be here? I think not! So stick that straw in your juice box and suck it!
Dani I adore you, and we have talking to do. I'm kinda worried, and want to know what's up.
Love always,
Lyse